I would rather be........(YOUR NAME HERE)

Everytime I think the world is just about to stop spinning,another season ends. Reminding me(us) that not only the world around us, but we too ourselves are constantly changing. We are growing... in and out of love,friendships,and habits. learning lessons that seem to reinvent us and finding ground in our own reassurance. The truth is... as much as you think you know yourself, YOU PROBABLY DONT!. In psychology Maslow suggests that in order to know ourselves or to be "self actualized" we must first meet needs on a hiearchy begining with the very basics: food and water. Next he suggusts saftey needs must be met:security of resources. After saftey, in my opinion is were most of us get lost. The third step towards self-actualization is the need for love and belonging. In my previous blogs I have gone on and on about our deficiency of adequate love. And it is here, at this point in the hiearchy where the dominoes begin to fall. When we are not fed emotionally it is nearly impossible to function properly in other areas of our lives. Although, yes, life will go on, one can never be complete without love. We must get back to love! The fourth step is ESTEEM. to satisfy this level one must have achevement in confidence,respect of and by others, and most importantly SELF-ESTEEM.
Because so many of us as women are caught in this hiearcy, somewhere between love and self esteem. We have gotten lost!. We have lost sight of who we are and who we are meant to be. We have taken up the faces of commercially branded women.We have put on their hair, epitomized their bodies, and we wear their attidudes. Parading them all around as if they were our own original idea. When I look around.. YOU ALL LOOK ALIKE TO ME!! I would rather be......single, brownskin,34-24-30(measurements),medium lengthed haired, a virgin, a bit dependent,and all around a little dysfunctional than to pretend to be anything else. I would Rather Be VANESSA!
to elaborate on a status from my good friend Cecilia: You learn new things about yourself everyday... therefore it may truely take a lifetime to be self actualized. Why waste that precious time being someone else....BE YOURSELF!!

Our Love is ANEMIC

In comparison to the love our grandparents have or had, our love is young. Even theirs pales when held up against the age old love that God has for us all. So in essence, these bouts that we have are all premature,weak even. No offense to anyone who is head over heals about their year(s) long tirade with "the one". THE TRUTH is your probably jumping the gun! Much like many of you I have used that term("the one")embryonically. Mostly to apply to guys, who at first glance were everything that I wanted. But what did I want? I wanted some whirlwind romance. Scenes, an exact replica from "Brown Sugar","Love Jones"and "The Best man",break-ups and make-ups all equally dramatic and beautiful. When I looked at what I was asking for I realized how unattainable it was. What I wanted was a love that had been scripted;dictated by a round table of writers, rough drafted and written again. My concept of love was born of late 90s black cinema. I'm not saying that there isn't a happily ever after,I'm merely asking how long is your ever after? I intend for mine to last a lifetime... even after the tape is done rolling. And in order for this to happen it is vital to for us to examine what our love is? I log on to facebook everyday, to a mini-feed booming with relationship updates... i can only laugh! Profile pics of cute couples with photo shopped hearts and text; "The love of my life" and "together Forever". If I could have told them that forever came with a price tag and an expiration date i would have, then maybe I could have spared them from buying into the hype! Our love is weak! And this debilitated love is leading to SO much more agony then just broken women. If we loved harder, more realistically, we would stop loosing so many young lives to senselessness.. but that my dears is an entirely different road! My only advice is to talk to people who know what real love is. Call your grandparents and ask them for the remedy!... and if they're not around pick up a bible! (1 Peter 4:8).....and we wonder why our relationships don't work!!!

Scattered beginings

Looking back we seemed to have randomly ended up here. Much like a hand dealt from a shuffled deck of cards, these affairs began arbitrarily. Each of us saying that a relationship is something that neither of us wanted. THE TRUTH is, you (the female) probably sought a relationship from the beginning. Only agreeing with his objection to it, just so not to seem so conspicuous. The thing about inconspicuity in relationships is, it will expose you later! Let's define! conspicuous according to dictionary.com means:easily seen or noticed; readily visible or observable. Now lets face it, being transparent on the first date is not exactly attractive;but what if you had laid out your wants from day one? Then, it probably seemed like a bad idea, after all, you don't want to scare him away. But if you knew then what you know now!! Had you, from jump street said "I want a relationship"(or at least set some boundaries), think of what you could have spared? This game of cat and mouse(you:cat, He:mouse) would have been nipped in the bud ages ago. A "zero tolerance" attitude would have been understood and administered to his disappearing acts, if only, you laid the ground work. So many of our beginnings are scattered. We entered these liaisons by choice and by chance. Hoping to communicate in abstract what we were hesitant to say;thus creating a trial for ourselves. But what good is a game if it isn't challenging? .... no regrets about how it began focus on the win in the end!!!!... lesson 1 coming soon!

He was NEVER your man to keep ~intro~

"I'm not in the business of Keeping niggas that don't want to be kept". A line that I live by!.So many of my friends (and myself) have been enduring long situations that we have come to call relationships. Yo-Yo-ing with these cats, we have gone back and forth physically and mentally in these "relationships" hoping to make it last forever. Like cats chasing their own tail we have run in circles waiting for him to decide the fate of these affairs, asking ourselves questions like "when is HE gon stop playin games?? Well I don't know about you but I'm done being dizzy. In reality we are just waisting one another's time. The time that we do spend with these sig. others is argued away about something that wasnt worth the debate in the first place; and the bad times so heavily outweigh the good but we still keep them around. Sometimes for sex,sometimes for companionship,and sometimes just because we can. But the truth of the matter is, if no one is relating to one another then these unions lack foundation and will never work mutually. I do not encourage these types of connections between people, but in our day and age so many of us have chosen to live and love unconnected, and selfishly. I just happen to be good at it. I am The Go-2-Girl. I give it to you straight no bullish, the truth, the tricks, and the trade, after all love is a game!. and if it's everyman for himself...let the games begin.